Things have changed for me, in ways I never thought possible... I never thought I'd ever see the day where the voices that plague me were scared of me, where they almost respect me, and do as I say. I never thought I'd have a job, full time. I never thought to think about having children, even someone to share my life with. No I don't have children, nor anyone specific to share my life with, but I have started thinking about these. To entertain such things was irrelevant. No, I have not started any medication, no I have not had any form of surgery, no... I am beating them, I am winning for now. How? How does one beat what they cannot see, something that has taunted them their entire life, been the source of all thought, pain, sorrow, something that has proven stronger than my will to live five times over now?
It is in my understanding. I am currently working on a piece of writing, I don't know how long it shall be, or what format, or even what to call it. It isn't a story, it isn't a poem, it is lengthy already, it isn't a biography, or instructional, it may be a treatice... I am not certain. I shall simply have to keep writing it and see what people think. Whatever it is, it seems to be consuming my time, I haven't written anything other than this in all... Has it really been five months? I have only recently been writing my letters again, to those who care to reply. I hope to expand this short list, once a set of contacts is sent out to me. I have lost my list, whilst I wasn't using it...
This is a small excerpt randomly selected for no apparant reason.
"...I don't know what time it is, I don't know what date it is, I believe the year is 2011 AD, then again I could also be wrong. I know how to find these things out, but to be frank, I truly don't care. My life this far has been consumed with two things; first the voices that I hear that wish no good deed go unpunished, secondly learning. That has been nineteen years of my life. Voices, learning, voices, learning, high pitched screaming, learning..."
Well, perhaps not the best example but it will have to do for now. I don't know what I hope to achieve with this, nor who my audience should be... But I have no doubt, it shall make for a long read should anyone wish to delve into it... whatever it is. I find that editing it, and updating it is an increasingly surpassing task.
I suppose I ought to tell you about my most recent dining experience, as per tradition... It is of Chinese food. A new experience, not one to explore exceptionally far from home. I believe they called it "lemon checken", and the other dish would have been "black bean noodles". An interesting combination I noted. The lemon chicken was just a normal battered chicken breast, with a lemon sauce. I concluded that it was a mix of lemon juice, sugar to take the bite out of the lemon juice and warm water processed for a short period of time. Adding nothing short of a tang to the chicken. Obviously not good for one's arteries, the chicken was covered in fat and left to soak in it's own grease turned soggy and almost chewy. The black bean noodle was something different entirely. Clearly a thick egg and flour noodle, with the usual seasonings of capsicum, broccholi, cauliflower, green beans, beef, etc. But the condament was in the black beans, not necessarily the beans themselves, but in their sauce. Adding an almost sour, yet smooth taste to the stirfried vegetables and beef. It was almost a relief compared to that of the chicken, which I couldn't stomach to finish...
I am now nineteen years, two months, ten days and one hour old. I don't know why I put that in, I just thought it would fill in space. I'm still not used to the fact that this is exactly what I would be doing normally, bar the explination of my eating habits and of course the expectation that someone might actually read this. Why don't you try and work out how old you are every now and then, just to pass the time.....
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